I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
