We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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