I think my vagina is haunted
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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