Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
