i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Your dad touched me again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
