meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
