Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
