two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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