Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
