How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
