Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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