So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
