u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
