do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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