Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
