I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
