Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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