ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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