the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
