Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
