you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
