Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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