There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
