Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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