people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
