Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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