I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
