life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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