his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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