I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
