Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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