Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
