yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
