i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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