she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
