I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This house was built for laser tag.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
