note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
