Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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