Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
