ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
