Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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