i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
