That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
