This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
