I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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