When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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