Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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