hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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