If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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