Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
