before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He better not be in your backpack
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
