If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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