Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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