Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
