I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
