I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
