I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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